By The Time You Read This, I'll Be Dead

I saw this in my local waterstones for a while before I caved and bought it.

It's about this girl, Daelyn, who was fat in her youth and therefore bullied, to the point where she keeps attempting to commit suicide. She's slit her wrists, drank bleach and amonia (and therefore collapsed her trachea and damaged her vocal chords. For most of the book, she's mute) ... and she's still planning it. She's online all the time, despite her dad having a port into her computer. She finds this website called through the light which helps her plan her suicide, but her dad can't view the page too. I don't remember how they talked around that one, but hmmmm. Anywho, she sits at this bench every day and reads books while waiting for her parents to pick her up from school/planning her next attempt, and she starts talking to this guy called Santana, who it turns out suffers from Hodgkins Lymphoma (cancer of the lymph system, ie your glands) and she's fighting to die while he's fighting to live.

It's such a good book for the most part, Julie Anne Peters (the author) gets the tone spot on, informative without condescending or sounding like she's ticking boxes from a suicide pamphlet (hello, Ann M Martin) and you can empathise with characters and as the book carries on you start to see Daelyn have one or two doubts - especially when Santana shows her his video diary of his fight against HL. But then she ends the book with 'and I walked into the light' - she doesn't say if Daelyn changes her mind or not. I'm not morbid, that's a cop out. That's like saying 'it was all a dream'. I think she meant it to be a talking point - which way did you see Daelyn leaning to at the end of the book, blahblahblah ... but geez, the point of writing is to have some real point of conclusion. That book was like waiting for a chocolate cake for weeks to find out it was stale, or bad KFC. The expectation carries the entire way through the process but the end makes you feel frustrated. I would've liked to see a conclusion where either Santana and his family help Daelyn's family cope with their loss, or else a conclusion where Daelyn stays and tries to open up, slowly, to Santana. I mean, neither of those are a huge stretch of the imagination, since both were effectively happening throughout the book. Plus, her suicide method sounds dodgy - she has a neck brace she stops wearing by day 6, yet she expects to be able to lift a cinderblock onto herself while she drowns in the bath. I don't think so, the strain of the neck, back and arm muscles alone would make her give up before she lifted it. So would she rethink and invent a new way of killing herself, or would she give Santana a chance? Or would she manage it and then Santana pass from the cancer and they spend their time in the afterlife together?

I know I'm doing whatJulie Anne Peters wants. But I want to be sure, I hate speculation.